OT**A funny story on modding**OT

Found in another forum but I can identify with him........


Yesterday I swapped out the electrics on my tele and installed a 4-way thingamabob. You guys make it sound so easy, but I thought I’d remind you what it’s like for a beginner.

I had done similar on my LP about 3 or 4 years ago, and it’s taken this long for the trauma to subside to a level that I’m prepared to have another go. Previous to that I put together a kit amp about 20 years ago, which worked fine until it decided to put on a fireworks display in the middle of a gig, this presumably being a feature that wasn’t mentioned in the kit instructions. Some people would have seen this as a challenge, a means of furthering their knowledge and skills...I quietly put away my soldering iron and resolved to be a better person if him upstairs would stop things blowing up near me.

If you have never waved a soldering iron in anger, then maybe the following will help:

1. Clear space on desk, put soft towel over it and place tele face down.
2. Wonder where the access plate for the controls is.
3. Turn tele the other way up, and realise that I’m an idiot.
4. Loosen strings so that I can take off the scratchplate, then decide to stop dickin’ around and remove strings completely.
5. Remove scratchplate.
6. Spot almost immediately that the controls that I’m about to swap have nothing to do with the scratchplate, and realise that I’m an idiot.
7. Replace scratchplate.
8. Restring, so that when I have triumphantly succeeded in my task, I will be able to test things out immediately.
9. Realise that I’m back where I started, sigh, have a cup of tea.
10. While sipping tea, sit looking at guitar.
11. Remember reading somewhere about the use of visualisation by top athletes to improve their performance, so decide to give it a go. Imagine removing the control plate, and then...realise I’ve no idea what it looks like in there, so stop mucking around with all this visualisation nonsense and finish my cuppa.
12. Remove control plate and have a look at all the electrical gubbins inside.
13. Feel faint.
14. Close eyes and visit my happy place until I stop feeling faint.
15. Remembering what happened when I replaced the electrics in my LP, get a camera and take a few shots of electrical gubbins.
16. Remove knobs and suchlike from the pots and switch, and then unscrew said items from control plate.
17. Panic slightly when I realise that the arrangement of the switch and pots to be replaced is opposite to that on my wiring diagram, i.e. on my diagram the switch is on the left, whereas on my tele it’s on the right.
18. Get a bit confused working out my right from my left, consider getting a mirror to reverse the diagram, try standing on my head (not sure why, but it cleared up my sinuses), and feel myself moving towards the “running round in circles flapping my arms” stage.
19. Have a cup of tea.
20. Look at the detached control plate, and decide to screw on all my new electrical gubbins.
21. Find out that the holes are too small for the new pots to go through, as are the holes for the switch screws.
22. Say a rude word.
23. Go to the website I bought the new stuff from and see clearly where they say that the holes on CIJ teles are smaller than the American replacements I’ve bought.
24. Wonder why my brain totally failed to register this when I bought the stuff, and say another rude word.
25. Having once watched an episode of American Chopper, I realise that I could enlarge the holes using a drill “thing”. Impressed with my ingenuity, visit the local DIY store.
26. Spend 10 minutes looking at a large wall-display full of drill stuff. That’s 10 minutes of my life spent in total, unproductive confusion. An assistant takes pity on me and asks if I need help, and I briefly wonder if I could persuade him to come home and do my soldering. He finds the bit I need, and so the hunter returns home with his catch.
27. Drilling the holes is remarkably uneventful. In fact I would say that I am happy with my hole enlargement drilling skillset, and will use it at any and all opportunity. I am positively looking forward to next seeing a hole that is slightly too small for its purpose and being able to say “I have just the thing...”
28. Affix the new gubbins to the control plate and get out the soldering iron to desolder the old stuff.
29. Feel faint.
30. Place the soldering iron against the earth wires at the back of one of the old pots and wait for the solder to melt.
31. Wait some more.
32. Have a bit more of a wait.
33. Get tired of waiting and test soldering iron with thumb. Realise soldering iron isn’t plugged in, say rude word, and plug it in
34. Back to waiting for the solder to melt. Get a sense of deja vu, wonder if the fuse has blown, and test soldering iron with thumb.
35. Scream. Seek medical attention.
36. 2 tubs of savlon later unsolder all connections.
37. Follow wiring instructions to the letter, checking and rechecking all the time. Removing all possible chances for error, I meticulously go step-by-step through the wiring process, only burning myself twice more, and nearly setting fire to my hair when scratching my head while holding the soldering iron
38. Notice that the wiring diagram has an extra wire in it coming from the neck pickup. Why hasn’t mine got that? Is it necessary? Maybe it’s the mojo wire? Maybe that’s why my playing sounds crap?
39. Come to the forum and find out that it’s an earth lead that I have to add.
40. Which means removing the scratchplate.
41. And the strings.
42. Again.
43. Say another rude word and get on with it.
44. Finally, finished! I look upon the work and it is good. The solders a bit blobby in places, but considering that soldering is obviously designed for people with three hands, and I have only two, I’m satisfied with the result.
45. Replace strings (not scratchplate, just in case I have to fiddle some more with the pickup).
46. Plug in a cord and listen to the happy sound of bees and wasps and things buzzing in my amp. The bees get louder when I touch the strings, obviously a warning to stay away from the guitar.
47. Say a rude word.
48. Spend 30 minutes going over the wiring, all the time confirming that it’s identical to the diagram. Go on the interweb and look for other diagrams, but they all come up the same.
49. Have a cup of coffee (the equivalent of having a cup of tea and rolling your sleeves up).
50. Find out, after a process of experimentation, that the buzzing goes away if the volume pot is on full, and the tone pot is on its bassiest. Move either of them and it’s back to buzz city. Feel sure that this is significant, but haven’t a clue why.
51. Wonder if I can get by without using the volume/tone pots.
52. On a whim, swap the wires at the output jack socket.
53. Plug in the cord to the amp and experience a sense of almost complete nirvana. No buzzing. Grinning from ear to ear I strum the strings. No noise.
54. Realise the amp is turned off.
55. Run out of rude words to say.
56. Turn the amp on and reattain nirvana. All is well with the world, and I hurry to reassemble the guitar before the gods realise that its working. (Find out that my old switch tip doesn’t fit (too small), but I consider that this, in the great scheme of things, is a mere trifle)


__________________

 

I could probably do better...
..
...
....
60. "Now where do these extra screws go..."

 

In the bag of screws from other projects that ended up like this.

 

My Dad put them in a small wood box that he called that his "HE*L BOX" -- you wondered where the He*l should they have gone, so you put them in the box until you found out -- and it was sheer He*l to find them in there when you finally needed them.

 

Why do you think I got so many extra screws??

 

I remember this; it's nearly as old as electric guitars themselves... dating back to the 70s or maybe the late 60s. It has been reprinted and posted in a dozen Electronics Hobbyist and Guitar-Player magazines over the years; but still, the fundamental story remains as true as ever.

Heh.

mnem
Gotta love the classics...

 

Took me a while to figure out why the Brit. had strings on his tele(vision).
CAP

 

Puppets???

 

Recipe:
1. Take two (O.K. 2 1/2) 1/8 Tb scoops of any dark roast coffee. (Don't buy the one that just says COFFEE on the can)
2. Place above in paper filter that resides in coffee funnel.
3. Pour just enough boiling water into the filter to make a mug (12oz.)
4. Clean up overflowed coffee from the counter again. (At least it's warm)
5. Resulting coffee is then used anywhere the word tea is seen.
6. Buy an acoustic guitar.