*OT* I'll bee a bit more random than usual for a while...*OT*

... just warning you guys, as the home front has taken a pretty massive hit, at least for me. If I seem a bit off, or bite someone's head off, please try and attribute it to this change.

For the last 3 days, my mother has been in the Respiratory ICU due to complications related to surgery for her cancer; at first, we thought it was pneumonia since the entire family is just getting over a flu bug brought home by my son last week. It turns out her cancer, which metastasized into her bones almost a year ago and has been causing her growing pain ever since, has now moved into her lungs and are too numerous to even think about removing; there would be nothing of the lungs left. Once she is stabilized, they will release her with Home Hospice care, who will look after her medical needs as long as needed.

In a few days, my mother will be coming home to die.

In light of this, I hope all of you will understand if I'm absent a lot, and if I strike y'all as a bit weirder than usual. I am NOT in my happy place right now, and I haven't had a proper night's sleep since Thursday.


mnem
*Slips sadly back inside his cave*

 

Mnem...I do understand what you are going threw and my heart goes out to you and your family...God Bless. As you know we are always here to talk and help you get threw this tough time.

 

Mnem just wanting to send my best wishes to you and your family.

 

Cancer sucks man! I know how you feel! My aunt died from cancer 10 years ago. VERY big blow on our family

My condolances. If you need me, you know how to reach me

 

God Bless you and yours.

 

Ah, M my heart goes out to you brother. Call, write anytime....I've had a bit of experience.

God grant you peace,

Jeff

 

That sucks Mnem...not much more to be said. We lost both my grandfathers to cancer and my mom is a breast cancer survivor, so I have some idea of what you are going through. I'd be happy to lend an ear to you if you'd like. Take care :/

 

Anything you need just let us know.

 

Mnem, I went through the same thing, 30+ years ago. It's not easy, you only get one mother. Know that the bad times will fade, the good ones stay forever. I still drive 50 miles now and again to sit and talk to Peg under the tree we planted for her. Mrs. Dogfish and I are thinking of you.
CAP

 

Mnem, you Mom, you, your family, you're in my prayers.
Going trough the same. Mom with stomach cancer, heavy chemos, operation but now she's home at least. They did all they could and it wasn't enough. Sucks.

 

Mnem... You are, of course, in all our thoughts. If you need anything... Just let us know.

Rick

 

I would like to add my sorrow to the pile of those who sympathize with your family's ordeal. May God give you, your mother, and your family the strength you will need.

 

went through that with my Dad in oct of 2002. Was with him when he took his last breath. You, your family and your Mom are in my prayers my friend.I know she is proud of you as she brought a wonderful person into this world, you. We are with you man..Driller

 

Dwagon....We are very sorry to hear such sad news. We lost a sister-in-law last year to Breast Cancer, so we understand your pain. Give mom a hug & kiss from Mr & Mrs orange_george.

God Bless xxx.

 

Sorry to hear of the devastating news! Be strong for your family!

 

*Checking in*

Hey everybelly!

They released mom last night; she got home around 10:00PM with a truckload of medical equipment. For about 2 hours the house was abuzz with nurses and "Triage people", then all was quiet. I stayed up 'til 2AM with mom until she was all settled in; just finished today's Work Order & now waiting to see when my wife gets home so I can get to the store.

Hospice has sent several people today; right now everybody's gone and mom is sleeping comfortably. She's getting up and around pretty well; nuked herself a breakfast taco & coffee then a pot pie for lunch, as well as keeping an eye on the sleeping baby while I went to pick up the boy at Dayschool.

It all seems so everyday; so normal. Yet still I feel like I'm on the edge of the abyss, hanging on by my toenails.


Thank you all for your condolences and well-wishes; right now I'm near exhausted and emotionally spent.

mnem
"They say whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. Bull****. Sometimes, it just makes you cross." - My Mom.

 

Mnem... You can cut loose on me if you want... I can't say I KNOW how you feel... But if you feel like you just want to "Let Loose" on someone... PM me and I will absorb the mightly dwagon's breath!

It is strange sometimes how you expect change and it doesn't happen. Or things work out better than expected when you are fearing the worst. Just be glad and rest when you can!

Just spend as much time as you can with your Mom... Crack jokes and admit to all the times you lied to her about skipping school or the girl she "thought" you were with back in high school!

Laugh a little... It will help! Trust me!

 

So that's who you get your style from.
Condolences and prayers.

 

I know what you are going through: I lost my wife on the 26th to this same thing: complications from chemotherapy for Hodgkins lymphoma; that's the reason for my infrequency here since then.

You can believe me that coming back to this forum is a diversion from the pain and mental anguish of dealing with that loss.

My heartfelt best wishes for your mother and for the pain both she and you are suffering.

Hang tight: you will survive this.

JJ

 

This brought me comfort when my Grandma passed away in Jan 2007, then my Grandpa in March 2007, and finally my Dad in September of 2007:

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, WILL NOT PRECEDE THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore, encourage one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.

Notice how it does not say "DO NOT WEAP", but it says "DO NOT WEAP AS THOSE WHO HAVE NO HOPE". It is ok to cry. It is ok to hurt. It is ok to miss them. But don't cry as those who have no hope, because at the rapture, you will see her again AND you will see her in her resurrected body. Hang tight my friend, you are surrounded by those who are here to support you, love you, and cry with you, or be yelled at by you to let you vent!

I do hope you find comfort in this and in Christ,

The Spices

 

Jeez guys, that's a lot of hurt to deal with. All best wishes and thoughts from us over here in The Hague.

 

Mnem.

my thoughts are with you. My Mother in Law passed 3 weeks ago and needless to say it's been tough for her. Your Mum seems to be dealing with it as best she can and long may that last although I know what your Mum and you and your family must be going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you. May you team with her be good and as long as it can be and ,ay she be spared too much pain, anguish and agony.

All my thoughts
Andy

 

M-

I envy you the fact you will be able to spend these last days with your mother and being there for her as she readies for her "homecoming" as my pastor says. I regret to this day that my father died, while not alone, without the comfort of any family members by his side as he spent the last almost three years in a nursing home. Thinking about him there without me breaks my heart even now. As a cancer survivor myself (testicular, lost the right little bugger in January 1993, radiation but no chemo), I can fully empathize with your mother and how this affects the family. My mother (who will be 95 in June), recently fell at home (nothing broken thank God!) and is now undergoing rehab in a nursing home in the efforts of making back to her house. However, at almost 95, I dread the same call I got from my older sis when dad passed in 2005. Your mother and all your family will be in my thoughts and prayers and I echo the sentiments of everyone else in saying if there is anything I can do, do not hesitate to ask. May He walk with you and comfort you during the hard times ahead....

Robert

 

Best wishes mate..
My father died of cancer back in 2004, he had it about a month.
He was diagnosed and they gave him about a year and a half, then a few days later changed it to 6 months, few days later to 3 months, few days later weeks, few days later, pack your bags...
Hang in there.. we will always be around for you!

 

I'm with you dewd.
MY mother in law has been fighting very agressive stage 4 cancer for the last 3 years.
Two weeks ago she was fine; walking/talking/cognative, but then went to the ER with complications. It's spread to her spinal fluid/brain as carcinogenic meningitis(?).
one week ago they stopped all treatments for everything, and hospice is now at her house. It's only a matter of time.

MY thoughts are with everyone suffering from horrible circumstances like these, regardless of which side they are on.

 

I know I haven't been very attentive to these forums lately, but I can't believe I missed this.

My condolences, mate.

 

Our prayers are with you Mnem

 

Things have returned to an almost normal state around here; aside from the O2 Concentrator and the hospital bed in the living room, that is.

She's doing better; making her own meals, puttering around the house, even watching the baby girl while I go out on work orders. We spend more time together; mostly sitting on the porch, sometimes just looking at the wind rustling in the trees or listening to the birds, other times idly chit-chatting. She refuses to use the hospital bed until she absolutely has to; she makes no concession to inevitability, even setting her oxygen mask aside for safety's sake to go on the porch and smoke away from the children.

I have to take advantage of her wish to to spend time with my daughter; she says she wants to remain useful as long as she can and even with Beth's new teaching job we can't afford for me to take the time off.

We talk about the things we need to do before the time comes, and little by little we chip away at it. We go to work, feed ourselves and the kids, do our taxes...

It all seems so normal. Then I look at what are unmistakeably her hands growing long and slender on my little girl... and all I can do is sweep her up and hold her close and cry.


mnem
*Hanging on*

 

I can't even, and quite frankly don't even want to, imagine what its like. Stay strong and use the time well. Like techtuff, said, our prayers are with you.

 

My mom passed on Christmas day. She was 88 and had Alzheimer's for several years. She was in a very good place, a Quaker retirement center near Philly. I was able to spend time with her last summer. Although she was beyond speaking, I recalled family stories and let her know she was loved. It did not seem like enough then, but I'm glad now for that time together.

There are things we cannot change. But making the most of what we're given, and letting others know that they are loved, is what really matters.

 

Yeah....
My mother in law passed away last Wed night. She was only 48.
We buried her on my son's bday (saturday).

"Unreal" doesn't begin to describe any of it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Mnem.

 

Sorry for what you are going through, my mother died from a brain tumor in 2000 I was lucky and was able to spend the last 6 weeks of her life with her, lost my mother-in-law in August after a two year fight with kidney cancer. Enjoy your time with your mother, you will be in my prayers.

Keven

 

Mnem and TC,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you both.

Stay strong my brothers.

 

Mnem, TC, Interestingfellow. what Doobi said earlier states a fact. Have faith and stand firm in the Lord. Our suffering and the suffering of believers can purify and make us strong in Him. I know not what the future brings but I know God is in control and I trust in Him. The suffering will be only for a short time because an eternity with Him and our loved ones will be our blessing. Keep the faith and share it with all you encounter...Driller

 

You have my prayers. I know that it is rough, I have been there myself with friends and family.

 

Mnem...I hope you got our gift today

 

toughasnails -

I woke up this morning and checked my eMail; at first, I thought someone must have hacked YOUR eMail account because I couldn't believe what I saw. Then I read the eMail from NBR underneath... (I have NBR set to automatically send all PMs to my eMail account) and I was dumbfounded.

I really can't afford to be proud right now, so I'm just going to say thanks. I never imagined you guys might do something like this; I just felt a need to get out what I was going through to some people whom I knew would care. I can't begin to say how thankful we are; the timing was unbelievable.

Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary; I had planned to give Beth a card with an IOU for flowers in it because I'm still waiting on last week's Work Orders to be approved for payment. Now I can get her some actual flowers "on the day", though we won't be able to do dinner until she's through with "Hell Week" - all her classes have evening performances and she's not home until 10PM or so every night through Thursday. After that though...

I've spoken to my mom about using the rest of it to take her to Corpus so she can visit the ocean one last time. She has mentioned a few times that she misses the smell and taste of the sea; those of you who grew up with the gentle song of the surf in your ears know it never leaves your heart.

She patently refuses; I could see the set of her face she gets when she's about to tell her son how it will be, saying we should use it to get ahead of our bills. *Sigh* I'm going to see if my wife can persuade her that it's all right, we'll find a way and she doesn't need to make this sacrifice. I don't know if Beth will take my side or hers though; but it's great to see the old fire in my mom's eyes, even if she's fighting against something I think she should be fighting for.

We'll see. Maybe I'll squirrel some of it away towards Dad's airfare for when the time comes... that would be the sensible thing to do. But there are so many sensible things, it will take some thought to figure out how to use this most graciously provided windfall most wisely. At least I got mom to concede that she must go shopping for some live flowers. That's a start.

So, from all of us in the TinkerDwagon household... Thanks to all of you who had a hand in this; it really does help a great deal. We are all amazed and truly grateful.

mnem
*ThankfulDwagon*

 

You might try checking out The Blue Hole swimming hole in Wimberly. Not the ocean but close enough to make a day trip out of it. I've never been there myself, maybe this summer while I'm in Austin the end of June Krause Springs is a bit further, but also looks nifty. Just a couple thoughts of nice places to go, particularly on weekdays if you could manage that. Keep on keepin' on man

 

Mnem , we are the one's that are grateful...for having a great guy like you around.

 

Okay... I know I haven't been around; the last couple days have been brutal. First, my brakes start squealing that "I'm about to die" squeal every time I stomp on 'em hard; so I do a quick inspection of the whole mess and since you guys sent the money for to help, order a pair of drums and a hardware kit for the front; planning to fix 'em this weekend. The pads are lifetime, so that saves me a few $$ now.

Then yesterday, the starter leaves me stranded with no warning at all; had to use AAA to get it towed home. THAT costs $160 at the only place that has one in stock besides GM. OUCH, for a blipping 4-Cyl Chevy starter. But I had to have it, had to get it done cuz today I have work orders all day. Get the kids, get home and survive until kiddles' bedtime; and here I am. But I survived it; now I'm gonna go pass out.

I'll be back in touch once I'm conscious or the car is done.

mnem
I swear, that car smelled the money...

 

As I mentioned in another thread, I have successfully restored my venerable old Saturn to driveable condition; thanks to those of you who helped. Of course nothing ever goes as planned and there were additional costs, but not too bad; fortunately I had the liquid funds to make it all happen over the weekend.

Beth got her Anniversary flowers and card, and there will still be money for plants for mom, though we're gonna have to wait on the trip until I can add a little bit to what remains. I'm still trying to talk her into it. I did already get her some small potted flowers I stumbled across on sale while I was running for parts; but there still aren't near enough for what she says she wants to do, which is good. It means she's got something else to occupy her mind, and that was the whole idea.

Thank you all again. I am truly lucky to know all of you.

mnem
*Exhausted Dwagon toddling off to ded*

 

just a test. We are having problems with the forum software

 

All fixed now, thanks.

mnem
I shall eat watermelon.

 

And we are lucky to know you.

If God brought us to it, he will carry us through it.

 

Update time...

Last week, mom had a bad spell which culminated in my waking up to find her sitting on the edge of her bed, slumped over her own knees and covered in food which she had apparently gotten into a fight with and lost. We took her back to Hospice In-patient care for a few days so they could observe her and try to come up with a medication regimen which didn't leave her so loopy; once Beth got home I was able to go visit her.

When I arrived she was still very fuzzy-minded; at first she wasn't sure where she was or what day it was. She WAS sure she wanted to go home; it was the first thing she said once she finally did recognize me. I unpacked a goody bag I'd brought; a travel mug of Peach-Cranberry juice, a bean & egg taco with too much Season-All just the way she likes them lately, and a baggie with a handful of chocolate chips as dessert. She smiled that thankful mother's smile that melts all little boys' hearts and dug in; when she finished the taco she eyed my Wendy's bag. Smiling softly, I slid it across the table to her delight; she ate the cheeseburger & fries I meant for later, laughing as I set up the Digital Picture Frame I'd brought loaded with hundreds of photos of us & the kids. Then she asked how to change the channel on the the thing; I chuckled and told her it didn't get the Golf Channel, this was all it did. A look of genuine disappointment flashed across her face, then she returned to her very late meal.

I watched her eat and laugh occasionally as the images wiped slowly across the 5x7" screen; she was a little better, but... still not even close to all there. We talked about one or another of the photos for a while, then her nurse came in with her medications. A lot of Morphine, a lot of anti-inflammatory steroid. When she left, I told mom what they'd said about her cigarettes; that the entire hospital campus was smoke free, and I couldn't take her anywhere she could get a smoke. She frowned petulantly, but still asked me to put them in her purse. I did as she asked and did my best not to think about it.

Soon she was feeling groggy again and it was time for me to go; I would have the kids all day again tomorrow, and it was late. I kissed her goodnight and held her hand; she rested her forehead against mine as is our own personal little custom, then I picked up my carry-all bag and left.

On the way to the car I looked up and saw the burgeoning moon's pale countenance as it loomed high above the parking lot. Stopping, I set down the bag and howled my defiance and rage skyward for the both of us; but my heart just wasn't in it.


mnem
Much of this is from my journal for the day mom went into In-Patient care; she's back home now. I'll update again as soon as I have a chance to turn my notes for the intervening days into cogent thought.

 

When I lost my father-in-law I went out and built a rock retaining wall and raged...I feel what you feel.

So much of what I do is to cover up and scar over the images I don't want to see anymore. Like taking up this computer stuff. Then I take 'em out one at a time and restore a part of my life that I didn't use because of the memories of the good times we had together, and I wasn't ready for good times yet.

I lost my favorite Uncle here at the house. Check when I first got on the forum....That's when!... We played guitar....didn't touch mine for a year, we braided leather and rawhide together and argued over the right way to tie a Fiador knot. Try that sometime with a left-handed person.....and yesterday I got the stuff out at 12:30 a.m. and made some stuff for a little girl to use on her horse when she get's to be Rodeo Sweetheart this week-end. I sat where he sat and thought of him while cutting and weaving. And the memories were the good ones.

Peace to you and your's brother,

Jeff...you struck a nerve...

 

Hang tight Mnem! Our thoughts are with you and your Mom!

 

It's a full moon and it's OK M. 68 years ago yesterday Dad took a bullet in the left leg at Utah beach Normandy. Carried it with him through the next 7 years IIRC. My prayers are with you brother. May God bless you and your family.. Driller

 

This is from a few days later...

I visited her again yesterday; she was asleep when I got there, but I waited and after about 30 minutes she woke at the noise of me rolling up the Wendy's bag to try and keep the contents warm a little longer. We swung her legs over the side of the bed; she said she wanted a cigarette. I smiled, and she smiled knowingly back. She ate her goodies; smiling mischievously at the vanilla not-quite-a-shake-thing. We spoke, and for a little while she was mostly there; almost lucid. "Monkey balls." I said. "Fix Rachel's ring." she replied, grinning that she knew the code for one of our little inside jokes.

Then one of the nurses came with her dose of narcotics. When she was gone we spoke of the simple things, the important things; then I sat next to her and held her. "I don't want to die." she said with absolute clarity, her eyes welling up with tears. "I don't want you to die either, mom." I answered. "I'm afraid of a world without you in it." We just held each other and cried until a different nurse came in with something else in a little cup and broke the moment.

Mother took it obediently, but she knew the drug-induced haze was coming; she could feel it and she said so. Suddenly she needed to urinate, so I helped her to the commode chair by her bed. In the time that took the narcotic veil fell over her mind; she fought it feebly but in the end she was done with the commode and gone from this world. I helped her back into bed and placed her pillows just so; then I kissed her, telling her I loved her and I would be back as soon as I could. She smiled that loving mother's smile, then closed her eyes. I made my way out the door, thinking of too many things all at once; before I knew it, I was backing my faithful old Saturn up the driveway and fumbling for my house key.

I've had time to think about this... and despite what everybody says (If I hear "You just need to release yourself from that promise..." one more time, I'm going to slap that person in the face), it's time to fight. My mother is far from gone; she has said so, and the only thing that keeps her from saying so all the time is the drug-induced fog.

I am working on it; I know I need to be strong enough for both of us, but I need mom to be strong too. If we let things go the way they are, she will most certainly be dead in a matter of weeks; of course she's not really here now, so I may already be too late. But I do know that there is a better than good chance otherwise, and if she is not yet ready to die as she told me in that one clear moment, then I am willing to fight for every minute she has left.

I don't know where to start. I'm not a medical person, so I don't know how to look at things with with a medical eye; she was always my font of medical understanding. All I do know is that if I had wanted to have her drugged to the point of oblivion so I could forget about her until she was already gone, I could have checked her into a nursing home long ago. Home Hospice is no better, and it doesn't even offer the luxury of not having to watch her fade away into nothing.

mnem
Much of this is from my journal for the days after mom went into In-Patient care; she's back home now. I'll continue updating as I am able to.

 

This is from the following day, when she came home.

Another Monday morning, soon to turn into afternoon as I tried to catch up on paperwork from old Work Orders and watch the Inbound Line for new work. Suddenly, (as phones always do) my phone rang; it was mom, calling from her own phone. This fact in itself made me smile; it meant she had finally remembered that I put her phone in her purse when they took her away in the ambulance. She said they thought she might be able to go home today or tomorrow. I could tell by her voice she was all there; crisp & clear, sure of herself. I asked when they thought they could have her ready; she said she could have them start right away. I said "Well, duh. Now is always the right answer. I'll get Dru to watch the kids, then come get you as soon as they say you're ready." She laughed with a sigh of relief, then said she would and hung up.
I walked across the yard hoping Dru was home; she answered the door and I asked if she could watch the kiddles. She answered "So we can have our mamaturtle back? Hells yeah! I'll be right over." I went home and called back to the facility; they transferred me to mom's assigned social worker. We spoke and she asked when I would be ready for mom; I said I was ready. "Is now good? Because it's good for my mom, so it's good for me." She asked if I thought I might want to wait til the next afternoon to get things ready for her; I said I was ready, I had someone to watch the kids, tell me when to be there. She said she'd call the floor nurse and get things going. An hour later I was there; after some face to face conversation with the social worker, we signed the release papers and they trundled her out to the waiting ambulance. Slowly, solemnly I followed as the vehicle made its careful way to my house; when we finally arrived, I texted Beth at work: "The turtle has landed."
Absently I rested my hands on the wheel, taking a moment to shift mental gears as they unloaded the stretcher carrying my mother from the back of the vehicle. While they rolled past in front of me, my pants chimed with my wife's response: " Kewlies " I thumbed the lock button on my well-worn iPhone as I slipped it back into my pocket and sighed contently before reaching for the doorpull with my other hand. My family was whole again.

mnem
More soon; I'm almost done sifting through my journal for the next few days. *toddles off to bed*