*OT* I'll bee a bit more random than usual for a while...*OT*

At 8:07 PM CDT, life as I know it came to an end. She is gone.

mnem
Namaste.

 

Sorry to hear that mnementh. Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

 

Our thoughts are with you Paul

Take care.

 

Sorry to hear, you and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

 

Sorry to hear that Paul, God bless you and your family

 

You are in our thoughts my brother. Your memories will sustain you and grow richer with time.
CAP and Mrs. CAP

 

Sorry to hear your sad news. Your family will be in my prayers.

 

Big Guy....Heartfelt Condolences.

o.g.

 

Very sorry for your loss! Words just cannot express.

 

dear friend, I pray for you and your family that the Holy Spirit will wrap himself around you all and let you know He is with you always. Your mom is and will be with Him smiling down on you all. We know because of the person you are and how many lives you've touched already with the wisdom and wit she shared with you. You are the beacon of light that continues to shine in a dark world. Shine on for her and all of us in the gifts God gave you, which are so many. You are in my prayers and will always be. God gives peace in these trying times. May God bless you all..Driller

 

Her suffering is over now. God does love us in ways we cannot comprehend.
God bless you and your family

 

Sorry to hear of your Mom's passing.

I think of my Mom as now being with those that passed before her.

 

my condolences to you

 

Sorry for necro-ing this long-forgotten thread; but it seems to be where this belongs...


Warning: Freaky sloppy "Missing mom" stuff follows; read at your own risk.


*Sigh*
Yesterday, I found my old iPhone which had been lost in the move. It was of course very dead, being locked in a drawer in my toolbox for months; it just made its little sing-songy chirp and lit up as I was getting ready to go to bed, so I picked it up and started poking around. Everything is still right there where I left it; the constant companion, my keeper of everything for nearly 2 years, patiently waiting, saving a slice of my life, frozen on the day I got my last phone. Now it is 2 years out of date and full of ghosts. Photos of my mom, and my wife, and the kids, and of a different ME.

I poke around in my call history and they're still there; 2 year-old snippets of my day-to-day at the time. Dad calling to say hi, my wife reminding me to pick up milk, mom asking me to bring her dinner from the India Palace...

No mom, I won't forget the cucumber dip... I promise.

Then everything wells up again, and I cry, just like I did the last time her ghost caught up with me... and it hurts; it makes my stomach ache I miss her so much. I step outside to gather myself in the cool darkness and it's there; huge and pale and round as a ptarmigan... and I lift up my head and howl at the moon, just like we did when she was still with me, and just like I do with my son. Little rituals help; putting a handle on things we barely recognize, much less understand. Every full moon since she died I do it at least once and think of her; imagining her up there, gazing down upon a glorious earthrise (one of her favorite things was this image and this quote from Edgar Mitchell of Apollo 14)



I smile, remembering a snippet of a song by Collective Soul, and how perfect it seems, I silently sing it at the moon; for her.

"So I walk up on high;
And I step to the edge
To see the world below...
And I laugh at myself,
As the tears roll down;
'Cause it's the world I know...
It's the world I know."

As the imagery builds in my mind, and I feel the joy of the song... it shifts to another image so well known to me from years hanging in one or another of her camper vans that it is permanently ingrained in my soul, as is the entire Whole Earth Epilog itself from which it came:



I can hear her whisper in that imperative tone that all mothers know; "Stay hungry. Stay foolish."

I will mom. I will.


mnem
Life goes on; so do I.

 

Amen.........

 

Mnem... I feel your pain! My Dad died in '95... Sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago. I have pictures of my Dad, Grand Dad (who I never met), Grand Mom, a few friends, my first car, etc... I have these pictures taped to my fluorescent shop lights all around my shop. When I need a break, I just look up and stare at the pictures and remember. Other times, when I am frustrated when working on a build that just doesn't seem to go right... I'll look up at the pictures of my Dad and ask him questions... I'll sit for a while and then I figure it out. (Sometimes with help of the fine people here!)

He literally IS looking down on me now. I like that and it helps me sometimes.

 

Peace mnem.

 

Thanks for the kind wishes guys. Part of the catharsis is sharing it; it's nice that I can still come in here and do that.


Peace,


mnem
"The destination is always the same; so make the most of the journey."