I Am So Close To Throwing My Dell Of A Bridge Please help

So what? You'll get a new motherboard, and your system will boot up exactly the same as before. Worst case you'll have to call Microsoft to re-activate, but that would be painless and quick, too. I don't quite see what your problem is with replacing a motherboard that's broken...

Oh, and like you've been asked a couple of times already, look at your bloody BIOS info, and see if somehow battery charging got turned off.

 

Out of curiosity, is it under warranty?

http://support.dell.com/support/top...info/details?c=us&cs=19&l=en&s=dhs&~ck=anavml

 

one other thing that you could try that messed me up once was hitting FN + F2. that is a toggle to tell the battery to charge or not charge when the laptop is plugged in.

When this "feature" is enabled and your laptop is plugged in, you see the battery symbol say something like "plugged in, not charging" so yo have to hit FN+F2 again it and will then accept a charge.